Sweet dispositions...

I sometimes wonder if I am ever going to be different from what I am right now. Granted, people do change with time, but certain aspects of their personalities are never changing, and it seems as though the people we are affects the things that happen to us.

I always thought of myself as someone who needs, more than anything, to be in a relationship. A caring, trusting, loving relation. When I am with someone I feel whole, complete, with a purpose. Left alone for too long and I tend to drift into boredom and loneliness.

So I have come to the decision of setting a challenge for myself. I realize that one does not make a decision to be alone meaninglessly. The thing is I have done so and I stick by it for it seems the rational thing to do at the moment.

If destiny wills it so I will be alone for some time to come, for I have come to the notion that I really need to be alone with myself in order to find meaning in places elsewhere. Meaning beyond the bonds of love, mutual reassurance and reciprocal feelings. I must find the meaning of self-realization and self-love, for they are the key to my future self.

God willing, I will be able to do so without once again falling in love, without feeling the urge to make a special someone mine. Right now, the only "special person" I need is right here with me. And he is starting to cherish the thought of being perfectly, and solely, happily alone.

Homem da Faina Out